02.25.09
Week 2
So, the second week of a broken rib sucks ass too. Not as bad as the first week, but there is still considerable suckage. Fortunately, each day it feels a little better. Unfortunately, it still sucks. Did I mention that it sucks?
- I’m not sleeping well. I have a terrible time falling asleep, and once I fall asleep, any little movement on the part of me, S, or the cat wakes me up. It feels like I’ve slept about 20 minutes total since Sunday night. And since it seems to have been Ambien that caused this whole crazy mess, taking something to help me sleep seems right out about now.
- This whole bra thing is driving me crazy. I’ve got one (!) bra with a band loose enough to be able to wear over this silly break, which, unfortunately, is directly under where the band goes. Very uncomfortable, plus I have to wash that one and only bra all of the time.
- The pain is less sharp and more achy. Constantly. No matter how I sit, stand, or lay.
- My students keep asking me what’s on my face. It’s a bruise. Stop staring.
- Oddly enough, I feel like I’m going through the stages of grief with this whole thing:
- Denial: In some ways, it doesn’t really feel like this has actually happened to me. Probably because I can’t remember the actual time of injury itself – I woke up, and was in excruciating pain and couldn’t breathe. It all feels kind of surreal.
- Anger: I do anger really well. Yesterday, I woke up pissed off at the world, snarling at everyone in my path. Not sure what was up with that or where it came from.
- Bargaining: I keep telling myself that this is the catalyst to get me back to the gym – that when I finally heal up, I’m heading back to get myself in shape, since I can’t do it now. Yeah, whatever.
- Depression: Isn’t it obvious?
- Acceptance: I’ll hit this one in, oh, about 4.5 weeks!
02.23.09
Because I can’t be serious about anything…
I’m still hurty, but I’ve managed to get a lot of knitting done. I finished the black socks, and started my next pair.
One down, one to go. Not doing both at once, because this particular pattern doesn’t play well that way. They’re flying along, mostly because they’re on size 2s (which I rarely use).
The pattern is Broken Cable Rib (ha! No, wait, on second thought, not ha. Laughing makes the hurt come back.)
And the yarn? Is WoeCake from Dizzy Blonde Studios. As in “I’m having a pity party, who’s bringing the WoeCake?”
Nice, huh?
And, yeah, broken ribs still suck ass.
02.18.09
Just thinking out loud
I just need toget some thoughts out so that I can clarify things for myself. Just babbling here. Nothing to see, feel free to move along.
I need to decide by about noon whether or not I’m going to go to work tomorrow. School needs to know so that they can tell the sub whether or not she’ll be there for another day.
Arguments for going:
- The pain is definitely less than yesterday. And will hopefully be better tomorrow.
- I don’t have much to give my sophomores in the way of work for tomorrow.
- I’m getting bored.
- I’m worried about students taking too much time off from new things, although their current work is review of material they just recently learned.
- I can go for a few hours and leave if I feel like I have to. I’m not bound to staying for the entire day.
Arguments for staying home:
- I still hurt. Really hurts when I stand and move around.
- I didn’t sleep well last night, and I certainly would be in no shape to teach if I don’t sleep tonight.
- I’ve got plenty of work that the juniors can do if I’m not there.
- Most movement is painful. Sitting with my back supported is not. And I definitely can’t sit at work for long.
- I’m most certainly not indispensable, and they can deal without me for another day.
Arguments that don’t really fit in either category:
- Whenever I decide to go back, that first day will HAVE to be a real teaching day with my sophomores.
- I don’t know if the pain is bad enough to keep me home another day, or if I’m just being a wimp. I don’t know if I’m just making excuses, or if it’s legitimate.
- Honestly? I feel guilty about taking another day off. But I shouldn’t, because that’s what sick days are for.
My gut tells me to stay home, my head tell me to go.
I’m still not sure.
ETA: I decided to stay home. Someone on Plurk made the very excellent point that I can do more damage by working myself too hard too soon, and that made a huge amount of sense to me.
In which I do nothing but whine
Seriously? All I’m about to do is whine here. I suggest you move along. I’d keep all this to myself, but I need a place to vent.
It’s 3:52, and I’m awake. Totally braindead, but awake. The good drugs, fortunately, knocked me out. Unfortunately, they’re not as good as the really good drugs (which make me super nauseus), since I’m awake 6 hours after taking it. Bleh.
The pain comes and goes. The actual point of breakage – I can tell where it is because of the extreme external bruise – fortunately didn’t hurt at all yesterday. Right now it’s become a dull, constant ache. The real pain is on the side and front, I’m assuming because the rib is floating around and pulling the cartilage from the surrounding ribs. Whatever it is, it hurts like a nothing I’ve ever felt (and with RA, I’ve felt some pretty awful pain).
Fortunately, if I sit still enough and prop up my right arm a little, it doesn’t hurt quite as bad. Unfortunately, that gets really boring really fast, and doesn’t solve my need to breathe in and out every few seconds.
Here, enjoy this little picture that I stole from here, and enhanced. Pink shows the broken one. The red splotch is approximately where it’s fractured. It’s a little rough, but my photoshop skills aren’t at their peak at 4:15 am (which it now is).
Apparently the 8th rib is called a “false rib”. I can’t quite grasp why, but that article I linked to above has a brief explanation. It’s somewhere between a true rib and a floating rib. Whatever. It hurts.
Back to whining.
Sleeping wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, except that I have to sleep propped up on the couch, since I can’t completely lay down.
And have I mentioned the bruise on my face yet? Because it’s starting to look really lovely.
And I need to get up and go to the bathroom, except the good meds have left me feeling a little dizzy, so I’m a little leery to stand up right now in case I fall over or pass out again. Which, if I recall, is what caused this little problem in the first place. And S is in the bedroom, on the other side of the house, sleeping, and I don’t want to wake him to come and help me. Guess I don’t need to get up that bad.
Maybe I’ll use my quality nighttime hours to catch up on some of the blog reading I’ve been neglecting.
02.17.09
Here’s hoping tomorrow is better
So, I had another (unexpected) day off of work, and will again tomorrow.
And I learned that broken ribs really suck ass.
So I took some ambien last night (so I could sleep well, which I don’t usually) because I was supposed to have a very busy day at work today and needed to be ready. But I woke up groggy this morning (not usual) and passed out in the shower (very not usual – I’ve never actually fainted before) and cracked the 8th rib on my right side. Fortunately, the hospital decided that what with the gasping and screaming in pain, I warranted being seen right away, so I didn’t have to wait too long. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do for a broken rib except medicate. Big fuckin’ huge Ibuprofen horse pills. I’ve got some of the good stuff, too, but I’d rather stay conscious for a while, thankyewverymuch.
I also managed to smack the side of my face on the tub, so I’ve got a nice purple bruise forming on my cheek, too. Lovely.
The good news is that I seem to be able to still hold the pointy sticks. I actually managed to get a small amount knit on the wrap I’m working on.
However, that doesn’t in any way make up for the fact that it really. fucking. hurts. To move, to breathe, to eat, to laugh, everything.
And I didn’t go to work today (and I’m not going tomorrow), which means that the stuff that HAD to get done still HAS to get done, except now I’m waiting for a fellow teacher to deliver the one thing I need to be able to complete the work that HAS to be done today from home. No, there is no leeway. Fortunately, it’s easy work. Even more fortunately, finishing it will ensure that my 150 little lovlies waiting at school will have something worthwhile to do tomorrow.
Send healing vibes, people. I need them.
02.11.09
Comfort food
Unfortunately, fattening. Fortunately, tasty and makes me feel better and is simple to make. All of those are important, especially in times like now when I’ve got a cold and don’t feel like doing anything complicated.
Here’s a few of my favorite things that make me feel better.
- Grilled cheese. This has changed over the years. When I was a kid, my dad used to make these incredible open-faced broiled-in-a-cast-iron-skillet thick slab of colby grilled cheese sandwiches on the densest wheat bread on the planet. In college and for several years after, it had to be American cheese, but I still had to use wheat bread. Given that I didn’t have access to my dad’s homemade bread, I swapped it for Brownberry – the really dense stuff with the red label. When I was married to my first husband, it was mozzarella. These days, I make three-cheese grilled cheese, with colby, gouda, and a thin slice of pepper jack. I trade off between wheat bread and something froufy from Breadsmith’s, but I usually still use a whole-grain bread. I love the texture of the wheat berries. Sometimes I include tomatoes. Still easy to make, still warm and melty and gooey, still comforting.
- Buttered noodles. Simply put, the widest egg noodles in the store with melted butter. This one belonged to my mom and I, something we could only eat when my dad was out of town because he doesn’t like noodles one bit. How hard is it to boil a pot of noodles and melt a pat of butter? In college, I added parmesan. After that came the broccoli. I like chicken on it too, but that gets to be a little too much work sometimes (like tonight). Even more recently, I started adding Tuscan Sunset, which makes it even more perfect.
- Macaroni and cheese. Who doesn’t like mac n cheese? Yes, the blue box kind. I’m embarrassed to say that I will even occasionally slice some hot dogs into it. Disgusting, but easy to make and delicious.
- Chicken soup. This is a little more work intensive, since I prefer my chicken soup homemade. Chicken, broth, carrots, onions, celery, and seasonings. And once that’s simmered for a few hours, some tortellini from Nottoli*. I get them when I go to Chicago, so I don’t always have some on hand. I do substitute other packaged tortellini from the local Sentry if I have to, but it’s definitely not the same. Plus chicken soup? Makes a ton and keeps for a whole bunch of days! Woo-hoo! No-prep dinners!
*Nottoli also has ass-kicking Giardinara, Italian sausage (SAH-sedge), and sandwiches! Nom. And now I’m drooling.
Oddly enough, what’s missing? Chocolate, cookies, ice cream, sweets. Chips. Most prepackaged foods. Not that I don’t like those things, but they’re not what I turn to when I want to wrap myself in comfort and thoughts of being a kid again. I like the homemade stuff, and, evidently, lots of carbs.
02.10.09
What makes today perfect
- a beautiful, warm sunny day
- knitting my black sparkly socks
- Buffy (season 4) and Angel (season 1)
- Hershey’s Truffle Crème kisses
- not being at work
- warm sleeping kitty
- still being in my jammies at 11:15
- warm cozy blankets on the couch
- ETA: Quality rubbernecking of an ongoing implosion
What makes today not-so-perfect:
- the eleventy billion (approximately) rhinovirii that have taken up residence in my nose, ears, throat, and lungs
Where were you when…
Seen here and there…
1.) Challenger space shuttle exploded (1986): I remember this one well, though the times don’t match up. I was in high school, standing by the door of the band room waiting to be dismissed for lunch when an announcement came over the PA. It had actually happened a few hours earlier, but the announcement was made just before lunch. The rest of the day was pretty average, I think, but when I got home from school, my parents were watching TV. Which was weird, because they never watched TV. And? They had brought the TV downstairs (it was always kept upstairs, out of the way, since we rarely watched). I remember then seeing the first images of the explosion, and I couldn’t turn away.
2.) Berlin Wall falls down (1989): I was a freshman in college, at UW-Madison, 3rd floor of Chad Hall in the Den. We all watched it together, since almost none of us had our own TVs in our rooms. The room was packed solid.
3.) Oklahoma City federal building bombing (1995): I was staying at X’s parents with him (I think they were out of town). I’m not sure why I was there and not working, but it must have been Spring Break. I remember getting up late that morning and coming downstairs, and he told me that someone had set off a bomb in Oklahoma City. My first reaction was disbelief – why Oklahoma City, of all places?
4.) OJ Verdict (1995): Don’t remember where I was, but I remember being upset. It was a weekday, so I must have been working.
5.) Princess Diana dies (1997): All I remember about this was sitting and watching CNN for hours and hours.
6.) Columbine massacre (1999): I heard about this at school, I think, but shrugged it off. Then I heard more on NPR as I was driving home, and the enormity of what had happened hit me. I was nearing the end of my first year in my current district.
7.) JFK Jr. Plane crash (1999): No idea. I didn’t care.
8.) Bush/Gore crazy election (2000): There was so much going on over a long period of time, I can’t remember where I was at any specific moment. But, again, I watched a lot of CNN.
9.) September 11, (2001): I was at work, in a computer lab, teaching freshmen. I remember who was in the class, too. My co-teacher (for that hour) came in and told me that there were rumors floating around about a plane flying into one of the NYC skyscrapers, but he didn’t know many details. I tried to pull up various news websites, but most of them (including CNN) were overwhelmed, and I couldn’t get much information. An announcement came over the PA sometime a little while later, with some details about what had happened. Most of the rest of the day was spent having conversations with students about what had happened, even though the teachers were just as much in the dark as the kids. I remember that there was a TV tuned to CNN in the library, too, and I spent my lunch and prep periods in there watching.
10.) Space ship Columbia disintegrates (2003): I can’t remember where I was, but I can remember that I was listening to NPR in the morning when word came that contact with the shuttle had been lost.
11.) Hurricane Katrina hits (2005): I watched all weekend long, from the time it left Florida until it crossed the Gulf, gaining strength, and slamming into New Orleans. I spent most of that Labor Day weekend parked on the couch, because it was so horrifying and I knew what was going to happen.
02.04.09
Still here
Apparently, I’m taking a blog break. I didn’t plan it, and I don’t mean it, but here it is. I’m not going to apologize, or anything lame like that, because I don’t believe that blogging is an obligation I must do. I do it because I want to, when I want to.
I haven’t felt like blogging. I’m still on Ravelry, and I’m still on Plurk, and I’m still uploading things here and there to Flickr (though I realize I never finished uploading my Arizona pics). I’m still playing Molehill, having made it to Flower Fairy.
I’m burning through sock stash, and enjoying a creative streak, planning and executing a pair of socks. Also working on a wrap, finishing the Arwen reknit, and another baby sweater (no, silly, not for me!)
I’m (mostly) enjoying getting back to life without my Wonderful Student Teacher, even though it means more classes to teach and more papers to grade. They’re all really good classes and kids.
(An aside: Work is good, except for today. I went in, and was overwhelmed by some sort of fumes in my room – it smelled like solvent or something – very chemical-y. So, I moved my homeroom to the cafeteria (which isn’t too far from my room), and spent my 1st hour prep period hunting down engineers and assistant principals – the principal was out today – trying to find the source of the fumes, and trying to find alternate locations to hold my classes. It all worked out in that I spent less than 30 minutes cumulative in my room all day today. But I got no time to work on prepping or grading or other things that needed doing. And I was in borrowed rooms all day, which was disconcerting for both me and my kids. But it was better than the alternative, since my first 10 minutes in the room in the morning left me dizzy, headachy, and coughing. I’m hoping that things go better tomorrow.)
I’m working with a therapist to get back to normal. It’s been 3-ish months (give or take) since I lost my cat and my uncle, and she thinks I’m still grieving (duh!) and that I just need more time. But I don’t feel like I’m stuck in a Spiral of Sad – I just feel powerless, and flaky for forgetting what day of the week it is (which is unlike me), and apathetic toward my friends (which is definitely unlike me). And tired.
And now I’m going to distract you all with my Most Awesome Sweater Ever, which I finished a little while back and which I love SO much and wish I could wear every. single. day.
And how about some pretty, shiny Wollmeise socks?
